discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
