yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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