What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
please come you make the beer taste better
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
