when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
