Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize