Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
