Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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