I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
