My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
