I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
