There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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