I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
