you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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