i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
