Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
