Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
