I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
