The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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