Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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