I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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