Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
