i just sent this text using only my big toe
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Vodka?
Forever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
