too bad you live with your parents still
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She bit a glass in half.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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