If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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