Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
