It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
