So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Come share oat with me in your robe
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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