you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
