Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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