look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
