when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
