I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You ate ashes out of my bong
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
