And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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