And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize