I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
