perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
