I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
