Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
