By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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