Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize