My first STD was from a foam party
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
