the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
