can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
