I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
