fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize