I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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