Cold hands, warm shart.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
