if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
