bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize