just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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