I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
