god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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