Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
