Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
