What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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