so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Found your dick twin last night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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