Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
