i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
