i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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