All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
