please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize