my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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