Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
