so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize