ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
